So recently I activated my Yahoo Personals account–don’t get too excited–it’s no longer active. I had gotten a weekly matches email as usual. Usually there is no one interesting, but this time there was, so I activated the account. This guy seemed normal and incredibly good looking. I didn’t plan on being on the site for long, so I gave him one of my email addresses–the one that doesn’t completely identify who I am. We did have a little trouble getting emails through. I probably should have left it alone, but I suspected that somehow the email had been missed by me. Probably not. Could have just as easily been a typo on his part.

So finally we actually communicate, and he suggests dinner. I thought, “Wow! This guy is actually interested rather than prolonging emails back and forth.”  At the time, I thought this was good. A few more emails pass between us over an hour, and he complains about the women on Yahoo being too conservative. Of course, I ask what he means. That’s when I finally find out what he’s really up to. Now, his profile says “soulmates apply.” Since he’s on Yahoo and included that in his profile, I think he’s looking for a relationship. Then comes the surprise–or not, since I meet these types all the time–he’s only interested in having sex. Well, dinner first–at his place, and then sex. That’s not exactly what I had in mind. I’m also not expecting that from his profile. Then I understand why he complains about the women on Yahoo.

Silly man. You don’t go into a Mexican restaurant expecting to eat Italian food. You don’t create a post like that on Yahoo and expect sex. He’s on the wrong website. There are “dating” websites that cater to exactly what he wants. While I’m not prude, I’m no longer interested in hopping into bed immediately with someone. I’m not looking for sex. I prefer great sex. Great sex requires stimulating the brain. It’s more than good food and hot bodies.

This came up because we were talking about hot and sexy movie scenes on New Year’s. This is the hottest scene I have ever seen, and there’s no nudity or sex.

I loved how this turned out.

Your Girl Parts Are Named:

Velvet Love Pocket

Girl Parts Name Generator

After a three-week hiatus, I’m back to the sex and intimacy seminar. Why is it that just tryinig to talk about this stuff makes you crazy? It’s not that I can’t talk about it. Last night’s experience was that when I tried to talk about where I was, no one seemed to get it. Instead they tried to fix it. Perhaps I wasn’t clear, but every time I tried to be more clear, I got the same thing.

Even today, people around me seem weird. It’s like they lose their concentration. That’s the nice way to put it. I would say they lost their minds.

So after the seminar, I’m still sitting in seeing what I have done and who I have been with no where to go. I think that is coming, but I don’t like sitting in the mess. My thoughts about sex are so wrapped up in society’s mores. Not that I follow them. But boy are they right in my face. I have a feeling like I am going crazy. Caught in a circle that never stops–like a hamster. I don’t want to be like a hamster. How do I get off?

I must be the best actress ever when it comes to my own life. Out of the seminar on sex and intimacy, I have figured out how I act around sex. The role I play is the “good girl.” My weekend program even prooved that further. I said something to a couple of guys about how they must think that I’m a “good girl.” Their response: “But you are!” In talking about this in the group from the seminar, even the one single guy in the group agreed. Nothing could be further from the truth. I told the guys this weekend, “No, if you only knew…” It’s all just some silly morality that I’ve internalized about how to behave. Because I don’t agree with society, think differently and often do differently, I have learned to cover that up so I don’t get judged. Yet, I get judged anyway. Completely silly. I’m waiting for the par tof the seminar where we get some freedom from this pretend stuff.

Just when I thought I would have a reprieve from the Friday sex post… No seminar this week, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t homework. Now don’t let your mind run too far. This homework is all about looking at your ideas and thoughts around sex and having discussions with others. Frankly, I’m tired of talking about it this week. I did my homework. I have analyzed the parts we were assigned. I figured out my “act.” What I pretend about sex. What I hide. Enough! After a discussion this morning with a friend, I’m not feeling all that great about the whole thing. Honestly, if all I get is to be fully present then my seminar was well worth it. Like many women, I often have other thoughts pop into my head at the time. They could be as mundane as the mental list of things that I need to do, the cobwebs that need removed from the ceiling (cleaning…never ending), or thinking “this isn’t working.” We have just started the seminar so what to do about those things we’ve all found out about ourselves hasn’t been addressed. It will be.

The picture above is the molecular structure of sodium ethyl xanthate (SEX). Really…What did you think I would post?

That’s an optimistic title. With all the long hours people keep here, I doubt there is much sex going on. You’re either getting it or not. Enough or not enough. Great, good or bad.

I had a slow start to my morning because of insomnia. I have been having a difficult time getting to sleep before midnight anyway, but last night was the first seminar of the sex and intimacy series, so I was awake until after 1 a.m. The seminars always make you feel be bit energized afterwards, so it often takes an hour to calm down enough to sleep. It took two hours for me to calm down last night and a benedryl. I wouldn’t have gotten to sleep when I did without it.

I would like to talk more about the seminar, but I can’t give away too much. However, it certainly got me and everyone else thinking about all the stuff (meaning, neurosis, etc.) we all have about sex. Society and our parents didn’t really help us much, but then they didn’t have a lot of help either.

Oh, before everyone gets too excited. This seminar is all talk and analysis. No practicals in class.

Since I have the seminar on most Thursdays, I think Fridays will be the sex post. Something to look forward to!

While I’m still getting over the disappointment of not being able to tryout for the Tahitian group, I have been busy getting the rest of my life in order. I have the leadership program beginning in late August. It’s our first chance to see who is in the program locally and meet our coaches. Coming up next week I have the first seminar of a series on sex and intimacy. Everyone’s favorite topic. It should be a very interesting seminar if only to see how everyone else reacts to the topic. I have to make time for dance practice and especially conditioning. I never work as hard on my own as I do in class. I suppose everyone is like that. I certainly like the results from just three hours of conditioning and practice–trimmer arms, tigher abs.

The other part of my life to get in order is work, of course, but also dating. I put that on hold over the summer while my son was here. It’s not easy to meet someone new while he’s here, and I would rather spend most of my free time with my son. Actually, I don’t like the dating part…the meeting, the wasted time. It can be fun to get to know someone, but you have to go through so much effort to find one worthwhile.

Last night I watched “The Notorious Bettie Page.” It is a movie that I wanted to see because I knew next to nothing about her. I found the moive quite interesting because it added the political climate of the time to Bettie’s story. I also found that I empathized with her. I don’t know if she really felt like people only cared about her looks, but the writer and director certainly emphasized this aspect. The message is that she’s too pretty. Too pretty to be taken seriously. Too pretty to be anything more than a sex object. Now that I get. That’s how I get treated. All of this reminds me of one of my favorite old Hollywood stars–Heddy Lamar. Not because of her movie work or beauty. Because of her brains, which few people know about because obviously a pretty girl can’t possibly be smart.

For those of you out-of-towners, I hope you made plans early. This Saturday is the Pride Parade. However, if you not into Pride but into all things sexy, check out this article by Violet Blue. She has all the can’t miss spots in SF. She has definitely done her homework.

If you do get your freak on, don’t end up like this South Carolina couple.