When did I become so cynical about love? That was the question I asked myself while listening to a song I loved from 1987. The song is “The Border” by Mr. Mister. Every time I hear this song, I think of a couple who has been through a few things in life and all there is to do is keep going. I see a couple very much in love holding hands as they face the next thing in life. I see a man who is there with his arms open wide waiting for the woman to embrace him.

The Border by Mr. Mister

I don’t have that in my life. I have never had that in my life. I cannot imagine meeting anyone with the courage and conviction I hear in the song. I don’t know anyone who would say “whatever happens, we can handle it together.” I don’t know if that says something about people today or if it is just the people I meet. I didn’t cry, but the thoughts the song brings up make me sad. It’s like I lost something along the way. I’m not even sure that I’m supposed to have it, but I feel the loss.

The next song that came up on my iPod was “End of the Innocence” by Don Henley from 1989. I smiled to myself as I listened to the words, which provide an explanation of the cynicism and loss.

End of the Innocence by Don Henley

I remember when… I also know about being poisoned by fairy tales. I am very familiar with the lawyers too. Now, if only I could release all of it, forget for awhile like he suggests in the song. While I might not trade experience for innocence, it might be nice to have moments when that experience is forgotten. I learned a term for this in literature classes, but I don’t remember it and cannot find it. I think I would like more than just fleeting moments. I can almost imagine the freedom that comes with meeting every person or experience without the past creeping in. Almost. I would like to have the experience of the thoughts of the past not appearing. Ah, to be fully present…in the present.

What I really love about both songs is the piano part. The piano notes are haunting behind both singers amazing vocals.

I can hardly believe that this year is over. It has been a good year. I’m still looking for a new job for when my current contract is over in February.

I would love to generalize and say that this list is what everyone learns, but it would be the truth. I’m only providing 10 lessons for brevity.

Here’s what I learned:

1. Relationships must complete you as a person.
2. There is a such a thing as “the one,” and when you meet this person you will know absolutely.
3. Men and women do not want the same things. Men want sex. Women want commitment.
4. Once you meet the right person, you will live happily ever after.
5. Marriage is the end-all goal. Anything else is just plain crazy.
6. True love consumes you–every thought is about the other person.
7. Bad boys can be tamed.
8. If you’re not in love, you’re miserable.
9. Prince Charming will come.
10. Love conquers all.

Nothing on this list has made my life any easier.

It finally arrived after waiting just over two weeks. I thought I would be able to walk into the store and get one then. I was wrong. I used my son’s iPad until his graduation when I gave it to him. It wasn’t terribly useful at the airport the day I was there–too many people on the wi-fi.

I finally saw Ricardo on Nurse Jackie. The “Bleeding” episode. He was wheeling out a “dead” body when Zoe yells. I have been watching closely for awhile.

Okay, so it has been forever since I last posted. A lot has happened. Mostly the job. Since this blog is public, I don’t want to post about the job. I’ve been too distracted to remember to write.

I watched Gravity on Starz tonight. I wanted to check out this new series. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worthwhile. It’s quite good.

Frankly, I’ve been trying to get in all my shows somehow. I don’t always get to watch them the night they are on. I have been going to bed before most of my shows come on. It’s a shame that so many shows begin at 10 pm. I’ve been watching Nurse Jackie–another excellent show–looking for another blogger on that show, but I haven’t seen Ricardo yet.

This cold has really kicked my butt. I have been since since early Thursday morning, so I haven’t been doing any interesting cooking. I have been eating soup with doctored up chicken broth according to the directions in Julia Child’s cookbook. It definitely makes a better tasting soup. I went to both ballet and Tahitian practices. I nearly passed out in Tahitian class after 1 1/2 hours. In spite of being sick, I have kept the various appointments I have had. Recently I had a phone interview, which turned into an in-person interview on Monday. I have been certain that my cold would be gone by then, but so far that isn’t the case. These things usually last 3 days, but I’m on my fourth day and still not feeling better. The cough has started, and my throat isn’t much better compared to Thursday.

Tahitian dance class kicked my butt yesterday. For those of you who don’t know, I spend 2 1/2 hours every Saturday in Tahitian dance practice. The first hour is easier than the next 1 1/2 hour session–usually. This was a typical Saturday where the second class was harder. We worked on a specific move. I was lucky to walk out of the dance studio. I tried some similar movements today, and I’m still sore. Nothing like being barely able to move on my birthday. However, I didn’t make any plans this year. I wasn’t sure what to do, and then it got too late for my friends to be available. I was too tired after dance class on Saturday eto even consider going out.

I have had quite a few birthday wishes–more than I expected. Thanks to all!

How often when running errands are you privy to an interesting conversation? For me, it’s rare. I went to the post office today because it was a necessity. I had avoided the post office before the hectic mailing for the holidays.  I went early knowing that I would have to wait in line until they opened the doors. When I got in line, there was a black man, an Indian man and a Chinese woman talking about the differences in how their cultures treat women. It was rather brilliant, and for once, I was glad that I got somewhere early to stand in line.

On my way to the photographer this morning, I saw a large man with colorful tattoos on his bulging arms. He had very little hair–mostly shaved. He wore a white wife beater and jeans. Anyone know why they call those tank tops wife beaters? And…he was pushing a stroller. I had to laugh when I noticed the incongruency. Did I actually see a tattooed, body builder pushing a stroller? I didn’t see a child in the stroller. It’s too bad I didn’t have my camera and couldn’t have stopped to snap a photo if I had.