I have been stifled, stymied and downright constipated when it comes to writing for this blog. There has been something on my mind that I didn’t think I should right about on this blog, but it seems if I don’t, I won’t be writing. So this incident occrred just over a week ago at the second garage sale. My son was with me for the day to help. The incident occurred at the end of the garage sale. It was bad enough that my son was begging to leave even though we still had a little cleaning up to do. I also had to get some items back that had been loaned. For these, I had to wait until they were finished. I will let you guess what kind of trouble two people can cause that would make others angry and want to leave. I once considered this person a friend, but no longer. We didn’t even get an apology, which I think most people would do. I have little else to say about it that doesn’t include ranting and swearing. I feel better now. Here’s to the end of writer’s block!

I get asked that a lot. Lately I haven’t known what to say. I know there is a lot that is new, but how interesting do others find it? I’m still working on my project, although it has been a slow week coming up to the holiday. I had a seminar end this week, and the other didn’t meet. So I’m off to live in my now quiet head.

I have my costume for Tahitian competition. Well, all but the flower. I have to decide on a flower, and it has to be real. So that means it has to last all day (from 7 am to about 6 pm).

Last weekend I was busy meeting up with friends–even after a long day at the garage sale. It seems that most people are out of town this weekend or have other plans, but perhaps something will come up spur of the moment. A friend is supposed to have a party either Friday or Saturday, but I haven’t heard anything further.

Oh, I finally got a Nintendo Wii, which is supposed to be for my son. I have been playing. It’s a lot of fun. I ended up with a sore arm from playing tennis.

Work? Well, it’s still the same, although it seems that some new interest could provide more immediate funding. Just have to see.

The cats are pretty much the same. So is the dog. I have one cat with an immune disorder, and he’s not looking so good right now. Not much I can do about it other than keep him comfortable. It’s kind of icky to watch him waste away.

I have to go out with another girl more often. Tonight I went out with a friend to dinner. We went to this Thai restaurant that I know nearby. The owner (?) sent us a free dessert. We were laughing and enjoying every minute. Service was great, and it wasn’t as busy as usual. It was a great night. Good food. Good conversation.

I shared something with a friend this morning, and it didn’t go well. I’m not sure I can consider this person a friend anymore. I didn’t feel heard. I have no idea how the conversation went the way it did. Blame. Anger. Click!

Maturity at it’s finest.  I need to get on with my day.

Ever noticed how easy misunderstandings arise? I keep seeing this. I say something I think is clear, but then I get questioned as if my interpretation is somehow wrong. I just have to shake my head. Move on. And remember that it doesn’t mean anything. But how easy it is for these misunderstandings to completely blow up. I’m often left bewildered and confused. When you stand back and look at this, it’s like two five-year-old kids going at it. “Yes.” “No.” “You suck.” “I’m not playing anymore.” Pouting. Seething.

Whose rules do you play by? Yours? Others? How do you figure out others’ rules without asking directly? Doesn’t everyone play according to their own rules?

I began thinking about this a week ago when someone told me that I play my games by my rules (considered good) and I play others’ games by my rules (considered bad). I do know enough about myself to know that if I don’t like the rules, I don’t play.
The intensive thinking came about from a discussion last night about the games we play in life. Everything can be reduced to a game. My biggest concern is how to keep a game going for a long time. Games start out pretty good. Things go well. Everyone is happy. Then stuff happens–could be anything. Arguments. Petty personality issues (often happens at work). Then the game isn’t as much fun so then it dies a slow death. I’ve seen this in just about every area of my life. Doing something new is great for awhile. Then I become disillusioned. Sometimes I quit after that. If I don’t leave, I’ve left anyway because I’m not really there.

Well, now this isn’t something I do often, but the opportunity arose and I grabbed it. So it was suggested that we go to the Saddle Rack. She was bringing another friend. With much trepidation, I decided it might be fun to do something a little different. It’s a dance club, but country.

For me, this is a fate worse than death. I left the Midwest and happily got away from all things country. I avoided like the plague (really) when I lived in places where country music was on nearly ever radio channel. Here, there is only one country music channel on the radio (might be two by now).

I don’t even know the dances. Although I did see them swing dancing to country music. Who knew? I was asked if I danced West Coast Swing…I think lost my brain there for a moment because I said no. But I do know. It has been awhile though. I always think of it as just swing, as compared to Lindy Hop. I missed a fun moment there. Silly me. However, I was waiting for my friends to show and watching for them was more important.

The band was good, and they did play some rock music later in the evening. So really it was fun, but it has to be the whitest night club in Silicon Valley. We arrived later in the evening and missed dance lessons. While the line dancing looks easy, it’s not. I know. I’ve tried at least once in my lifetime.

They have a bull. What’s a country night club without the crazy drunks riding the electronic bull? Our friend S rode that darn bull. Pretty well actually. I was in charge of taking pictures. She got pretty wild. The cage brought out a side of her I’ve never seen. Pictures were taken of that as well.

I would probably go again if the chance arose, but it wasn’t so bad being there by myself for the half hour that I waited for my friends. So perhaps if I’m itching to go out and no one is available, you will find me there.

I’ve been going through all my stuff to get ready for a garage sale. Since it’s not at my house, I have to get ready early so I can haul it over to a friend’s house. How fun. It would be better if my friend was ready for all my stuff. I have gone through a lot of stuff that I had stored in the garage to get rid of, but as I mark stuff up and move it around, I find more stuff. So I really need to get as much of it as I can out of my garage. I typically make $500-700 alone on my stuff, so it will be interesting to see how this sale does. I have double that to sell.

What keeps you from heading down the dark black hole of depression? I’m assuming here that everyone has had some experience with depression, even if it’s only for a short time or perhaps vicariously. I’m not asking for myself, although I have had a couple of dances with the black monster. One time the only thing that kept me from going deeper and possibly never returning was my son who at the time was only a year old. “Mom had to keep it together.”

A friend of mine who has had more than his share–according to me–of dalliances with the life sucking monster says that his dog keeps him from getting in too deep. So perhaps having a pet or child who relies on you keeps you sane. I know they say pets are good for you, but I always thought they kept you happier by their silly antics. I don’t think pets or children keep everyone out of depression.

As I ponder all this, I remembered a psychologist, Laura Honos-Webb, who has a unusual outlook on depression and ADHD. I came to know about her through her book on ADHD and how it’s a gift. Well, her point of view is that depression is also a gift. A sign telling you that you need to stop bulldozing your way through life and examine what you really want. It can also be sign that you’ve gotten off course in your life. I know for myself when I get “off course” I get sick. Not depression, but some illness, like headaches, stomachaches, etc. She has a recording on her book that I think is worth listening to.

My apologies for not keeping up with this blog this week. With Mr. O’s uncle’s funeral and all the family drama that has gone along with it, I haven’t thought much about blog posts. I haven’t wanted to blog about the stuff going on or how I feel about it either. Last night was the “visitation.” I have hardly been to funerals. I remember my dad’s mother’s funeral when I was a kid. I remember there was an open casket, but I don’t remember looking at her. I suppose I was afraid of the body.

There was an open casket. I hadn’t gotten close enough to even see until the visitation was nearly over, and the family was standing up front. My first thought was that he didn’t look real. Waxy. Mr. O said even he didn’t recognize his uncle. I much prefer funerals without open caskets. My grandfather was adamant that he not have an open casket. He didn’t want anyone remembering him that way.