I must be losing my writing muscle because lately I haven’t been able to think of much to write about. Nothing new here. Well, nothing I’d post on this blog. Life is going along.

Frustration over my project is just beginning. Funny how people don’t remember what is said in meetings. I took detailed notes, so I do know.

I’m looking forward to my son’s summer vacation. I can’t wait for him to get here.

A conversation keeps playing in my head about a dress I had for sale (still for sale) on the garage sale. This is a dress I bought years ago for a cruise. Long, beaded gown in navy blue. Very pretty. But deemed as “matronly” by others. I feel the need to defend my dress choice. I bought the dress in the Midwest several years ago now. Low-cut, breast-baring styles just weren’t the thing at the time.  I’m a mom, not a hoochie momma. Also this cruise was a family cruise. One we never got to take. So my then nine-year-old son was going on the cruise. had this been a cruise just for me and other adults, my clothing choices would have been much different, but I still would have had to deal with what was available.

A year before I had worn a Chinese style dress to a concert that I took my son to for Christmas. His eyes popped out of his head. Yes, just like a grown man. I wasn’t inclined towards baring a lot of skin on a family cruise nor around my son. As my son has grown older, he has to deal with friends who think his mom is “hot.” I never had to deal with this. I can’t even imagine what it is like. Even going shopping with him can be bothersome for him as he sees all the men staring at his mom. As he has gotten into his teen years, he notices more and knows exactly what they are thinking. He doesn’t think much of them. In fact, he stares them down. So everyone will have to pardon me if I pick more conservative outfits when I’m out with my son. It’s more for his comfort than mine.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there.

Also Happy Birthday to my son who is 15 today. Happy Birthday to Hamlet, the cat, who is 7 today.

Is a letter from a nutty parent better than no letter at all? A friend of mine who isn’t speaking to his parents seemed to think it was nice that I got a letter from my father. Until a few weeks ago, my father didn’t even know where I was, and I liked it that way. After going through some seminars, it was suggested that I contact him to complete things. I did. He’s old. He had a stroke. It’s not like he’s capable of coming out here and showing up. I’d have him arrested if he did. I hadn’t spoken to him since I was 15. This is not a bad thing. It was easier that way. He was angry and took it out on everyone around him.

So a couple of weeks ago, I got a letter. Half of it was about some cat he has and the dogs. Oh, and where he lives–which I knew. The other half is all about this fixation he has about something one of my mother’s now ex-friends told him. He was fixated on it when I spoke to him. This is where the letter gets nutty. He goes on and on about how divorce is against God. Yep. One of those. He was in the Jehovah’s Witnesses, like his mother. He’s a true believer. Perhaps not a true follower though. So this ex-friend told him that my mother left him because he was cheating. Not true. My mother left because she couldn’t take the abuse anymore, and she had dreams of killing him with his own guns. That’s how bad it was. She’s not the type to have this kind of fantasy. So there’s this part in there that if my mother remarries (which has a zero percent chance of happening because the first was so awful) that she’s committing adultery.

He had written a letter to my mother almost a month ago on the same tirade, but with more nutty religiosity. See he thinks that Satan has her. He writes this. This is why I had no interest in contacting him. While forgiveness is easy–it’s hard to be spiteful towards a sick person–contact is not.

I sent my son off into the sky this morning. He should arrive back at his dad’s house this evening. It will be interesting to see how the seminar he went to stays with him and how he affects others. It’s quiet again here, which I have to get used to again. The scaredy cats have come out of hiding. Now they are in “needy” mode.

He wanted to go to the next seminar in the series, so we got signed up this morning before getting to the airport.

The final part of his seminar all the parents, relatives and friends were invited. It was very moving to see the teens get up and speak, especially when they acknowledged their families. Not all the teens spoke. I was rather surprised that my son did because it seemed like he wasn’t going to. I was also surprised by what he said.

Oh, where to start? I feel like I’ve been running for two days straight. My son is almost done with his seminar. I decided to make two trips to San Francisco today because I have a lot to catch up on around the house. My first long day of the new seminar went quite well. I really need to get working on my project though. Of course with this course there’s more “homework.” Some of it is the same as the other seminar. I’m not sure how I will feel about a two month overlap of courses. If I report that I’m going crazy, then you’ll know what has happened. My real work hasn’t started yet. I have been waiting (and waiting and waiting). It seemed foolish to get a job only to quit soon after I got it, but now it has been three months and the funding still isn’t finalized. I’m getting concerned–mostly for myself.

My son told me that he tells his friends “My mom is awesome.” How amazing is it that a 14-year-old (almost 15) thinks that? I’m speechless.

It’s spring break time here, which means my son is here for the week. After several days delay due to weather and plane schedules, he finally arrived Sunday. We have a busy week ahead. I’m sure that most of his time will be spent playing games online. What else is new? We only have a few days before he takes the same course I did (this one is especially for teens). He really wants to go.

I only lasted a few months before writer’s block has set in again. I’m back to thinking that nothing happens to write about. I need to do something crazy just give my blog more character. Even my Google searches haven’t been interesting. I guess the past post worked because there are very few “porn” term searches hitting my blog. I should be more careful what I wish for. I still get searches for “silicon doll.” I wonder who keeps looking for one and what they want to do with it. Maybe I don’t want to know.

All this time I could have written about the Landmark courses I have been through, but I don’t want to sound like a shill for them. The courses are great, and if you’re looking for something to give you a boost in your life, they are worth looking into. My mother and sister want to go after hearing about my experience. My son is going because he saw what a difference it made for me.

Awhile back I wrote some posts with pictures of where I grew up. I think I mentioned that I hadn’t spoken to my father since I was 15. Well, I finally got the guts through one of the courses to give him a call. I haven’t spoken to him since though. He had a stroke over a year ago now, but he seems okay. The conversation was rather odd in that sometimes it seemed like he knew or remembered the past, but the next moment he would deny just about anything. I don’t think that has anything to do with the stroke. He had been corresponding with my sister for about five years and off and on with my mother. My conversation was no different from their experiences. So while whatever was said may not have gotten anywhere with him, I got to have my say after all these years.

I’m still not showing my photo. I ran this months ago, but the collage wasn’t available then. I also got different results. So although you don’t know what I look like, you now know who I look like.