The party turned out to be a lot of fun even though the host and I are no longer seeing each other. That came down on Friday. Sucks. Really does. We were good together for awhile and could have been for longer if some effort (just a little) had been made. I feel like there’s not much to say. I did get to pick some music at the bar’s jukebox. Everyone loved my choices.

I am left wondering how I will meet the next person, but I’m not actually ready to do that yet. I was talking with some people at the party about dating. One was all excited about meeting men through online dating. I actually hate online dating. I have been doing that for almost as long as internet dating exists. I would much rather meet someone I run into through activities that I do. I’m also not going to force it.

So I hardly write what is really going on with me. Mostly because by the time I can post, it has been worked out. There’s no need to write or chat when it has been worked out. Today is different.

I got very clear on my pattern in relationships and what was missing. Do most of us bumble in relationships hoping that things will just work out? That’s how I am. I was asked what I bring to a relationship. I have never asked that of myself before. My answer? Nothing. So then I’m left with a constant question:  “Why is this person with me?”. It also leads to the next question:  “When are they going to leave?”. Not something I want, but seems to happen. Over and over and over and over.

I got much clearer after talking with someone last night. I sure was tired afterwards. I still feel a bit drained. So instead of bringing nothing to a relationship, I have created what I am bringing. I am bringing intimacy, partnership and playfulness. That is who I am in relationships. I’m still looking at what it takes to bring that 100% of the time and what it really looks like.

Any men out there who are interested in those three things?

to get traffic to my blog? the things I tried in the past haven’t worked out as well as I would like. Other blogs have linked to mine, but how often do people click through the links? I’d say not often.

I also don’t get many comments. Okay, so many posts don’t need comments or don’t elicit comments. Fine. I wonder if most bloggers (I am guessing that they are my readers) have gotten too busy to read many blogs. I know that I don’t get to as many blogs as I used to. I read my favorites, comment if I have something to say. I typically don’t have anything to add. So I guess that leaves me with a handful of readers (maybe more–I haven’t checked my stats in awhile) and very few comments.

So has blogging gone out of style? Passé?

Ok. So it is one of those days. It’s time to get back on the horse.

I have a party coming up this Saturday.

Two things are required:

1. Favorite drinking game
2. Designated driver or cab fare pinned to you

I’m not sure what to do about #2. I thought I would ask for suggestions for #1. I haven’t played drinking games since graduate school. That would now be eight years ago. Anyone have any suggestions? Our favorite in grad school was “I Never”.

I am currently at 50 pages on my script. I wrote extra pages last week because I wasn’t going to be able to write over the weekend. Overall the weekend was good. So after being away, I have a lot to take care of today.

I am currently coaching the leadership program that I began last fall. I haven’t completely enjoyed coaching, but after this weekend, it’s great. I get to know some really great people. The weekend classrooms that happen every six weeks are great becausether are people from Northern California, Seattle and surrounding areas, and Vancouver.

My cats need extra attention because I have been gone. It’s driving me crazy to constantly have a cat (they rotate) at my feet or in my lap.

I had this song playing in my head at various times during the week. I couldn’t figure out why until I remembered that I saw “Dan in Real Life” last Saturday.

Last night I watched part of “Zodiac,” which is about a serial killer who called himself Zodiac. I remember this story as a kid. Although most of the murders happened when I was too young to remember, the book came out when I was older. There was a lot of conversation about this serial killer–even in Nebraska. I never thought too much of it as a kid. Now, living here in Northern California and now that I know all the places where the murders occurred, the movie is especially creepy. It’s still unsolved. The case is still open in San Francisco and other places. Makes me wonder…

Even if you’re not into these types of stories, the movie is worth watching to follow how it unfolds and to learn about the people who were involved.