I’m not sure why though. Thursday was amazing. Friday was good. I don’t particularly care for questions around the guy I’m dating. I’m not unhappy with him or dissatisfied. I just wish we had more time together. What we do have is never enough.
The chaos continued until the evening yesterday. I still don’t know what that was all about because I don’t have chaos in my life. However, I dealt with it quite well and just let it be. Not bad considering I would typically get upset or try to control it.
Yesterday I came home to a bookshelf mess. One of my bookshelves was leaning horribly. It had to be cleaned up, and I didn’t really have time to deal with it. My home office was full of iles of books. It was nearly impossible to walk in the room. As I pulled out the shelves, they fell apart. The shelves fell out, the braces fell on the floor and the sides collapsed. No, there hadn’t been an earthquake. In fact, my cats probably initiated the whole demise of the bookshelves. Everything is back to normal now after I spent a few hours gluing and getting new screws to replace the old ones.
That’s how it feels on the inside. I feel like a ball of many strings, one is is loose and the rest are about to unravel. Someon told me “don’t hold it together, let it go.” The craziness that could unleash is hardly worth it. I don’t want to deal with the aftermath.
So now what? I don’t know. I’ll have to let you kow what happens.
I sure wish it wasn’t Monday. I hardly did a thing yesterday. Now I have a bunch of stuff to do today, which includes numerous phone calls. I’m so sick of the phone. I don’t know of anyone who has known me who would ever expect that I would say I’m tired of the phone. I don’t even have anything to say. At least not anything that will make a positive difference. I can certainly whine and complain, but that doesn’t do anyone any good. Perhaps I should hide out for the day, although that would just postpone all the calls I need to make.
So the thing I planned for Saturday didn’t happen. I woner why anything I really want seems to slip through my fingers. I spent most of the day upset. I planned to begin editing my novel on Friday, but nothing has been done. I’m about ready to beat myself up over that soon.
I wish I could have some alone time at this point. I’ve been working on something all week for Saturday that still doesn’t look like it will happen. I have made myself completely crazy over the whole thing. I’m up early considering when I went to bed last night to work more this morning. I feel like I’m getting sick again, which started yesterday. I have been doing what I can to prevent that from happening.
The week isn’ quite over, but I wish it was. The craziness won’t end until Saturday night. I wish I had fun plans, but I have been so busy coordinating everything else that I haven’t bothered. No wonder I feel like I don’t get to do the things I like to do. I don’t plan ahead mostly because I never really have planned my social life. Although the alone time is often welcome.
