What I thought was true may not be true. Then again it could just be his resistance. I’m not sure yet, but I’m not forcing the issue. I think it’s time he made a bit more effort.

I’m still a bit lost, but I’m finding my way.

We will see…

Keep Him

This guy’s got marriage on the brain - and should propose soon… That is, if you play your cards right. Keep doing what you’re doing. Marriage material guy doesn’t like drama - or hot today, cold tomorrow relationships. So keep it flowing peacefully, and you’ll capture his heart. How to make sure you’re ready: Make sure that you love marriage minded guy because he’s a fantastic catch - not because he’s eager to walk down the aisle.

I have come to a point in the leadership program where my effectiveness varies, and right now I’m ineffective. I don’t understand. I have this feeling of being completely lost and not knowing who I am. I hate it. I want to escape, but how do you escape from yourself?

At least that is how I feel today. I’m trying to get a really important project done before Saturday, and it’s coming down to the last few minutes. It’s not something I can force.

Today is the day. He’s finally back.

I had been noticing that my computer was running slower and slower. Not typical for a Mac. While installing an update to a program, I noticed that there was only 4 Gbytes left on my hard drive. Now, where did all that space go? Photos and music, of course. I haven’t gotten the iTunes library switched to an external drive, but I moved my photos. Things are already faster.

Tomorrow is the day! The boyfriend will be back. I can’t wait. I’m sure he will have a lot to tell me, but I have a lot to tell him. A lot has happened while he was gone. Good things.

Then I have proof:

He’s a Great Boyfriend

You guy definitely loves you and knows how to treat you right. You have a five star boyfriend - so make sure you treat him right too!

Is He a Good Boyfriend?

Well the week has been a weird one. Being sick has sucked. I’m still sick, but taking far less medication. The coughing can be terrible though.

I noticed a pattern to  my week which has made me think how weird things have been. First, someone who hasn’t spoken to me talked to me for quite some time on Monday evening. He initiated the conversation. Then on Friday, I get a call from a friend who just got married two months ago. It seems things aren’t going very well. Two very unexpected conversations from former boyfriends in a week. I’d say something is amiss here. Honestly, I can’t wait for the current one to get back.

I have been listening to an audio book called The Ultimate Anti-Career Guide. I have only  just gotten thorugh the first CD. A very simple qusiton was asked:  “What would you do if you couldn’t fail?”.  The first answer that popped into my head was photography. I think it might have been first because I had just looked up prices on a new camera that I have wanted for a few months. The next answer to the question was writing–as in writing novels or books. Perhaps a non-fiction book is possible.

Then you look at your family history when it comes to work and career. The author also discusses the myths that we have inherited about work. What I saw was that I learned that: you must work and it isn’t fun, you can’t work in your passion, and you must give up your passions and dreams to make money. I watched my mother do these things. I always told myself that I wouldn’t give up my dreams just for a paycheck. And then I saw that is exactly what I have done. I have taken positions–well-paying ones–in areas I don’t like and couldn’t care about. It really makes me sick to see that I have done the same thing as my mother when I vowed I would never do that. My sister has done the same thing. I don’t know what I will find out next, but I will let you know.