I signed up for Blog 365. I must have been insane when I did that. Now how am I going to fill 365 days of posts? I haven’t been very good at posting every day for the last six months. I’ll have to see how it goes after celebrating New Year’s.
At the first part of this year, I thought I was happy–well mostly–with the guy I was with at the time. If you have followed this blog over the year, then you know that ended in the spring. At the first part of 2007, I took a course called the Landmark Forum that forever changed my life. It was that guy who told me about it. I hadn’t heard of it before. I wish I had.
Out of doing that course, I now speak to my sister the way you think sisters should be (close, maybe even friends). For more than 20 years, we had a “fine” relationship. That meant we barely spoke at all during the year. We saw each other once a year at either Thanksgiving or Christmas and probably spoke fewer than 20 words to each other over several days. And that was an improvement over the previous 15 years when we could be civil for 24 hours and after that it was bitter remarks behind the other’s back and often outright hostility. Now we talk several times a month. We try for once a week, but it doesn’t always happen. She’s taking the course in January. I now know things about my sister that I never knew. We also talk for an hour or more if we get the chance. Otherwise we speak quickly during the time we have before she has to run after one of her kids.
The next big thing to come just from that course was being able to speak with my ex-husband. For 15 years, we couldn’t have a phone call that either ended in tears (for me), yelling and one of us hanging up on the other. One conversation on a Sunday afternoon changed that forever. Even how I thought of him changed. My son noticed the difference, so he wanted to take the course and did so in the spring.
I really got freed up from all my internal dialogue. You know…that voice in your head…the one that says nasty things most of the time and on a good day just tells you that you can’t do it. A calmness had settled in, at least compared to how I had been. I went on to the Advanced Course immediately after the first to get who I was and who I wanted to be.
I learned a hard lesson in the spring. One I keep having to learn because I just don’t deal well with it. Sometimes when you do things with your whole heart and soul from pure unconditional love, you get back pure hostility and hatred. I came out of two courses and was in the middle of the third when this first happened. I was devastated–at least I felt that way. Once again I saw that being myself (really being who I am) just wasn’t acceptable.
More in part 2…
I needed a quiz to tell me this?
You Are a Life Blogger! |
 Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary.If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible. |
I thought this would be cuter. I am a life blogger, as if you can’t tell by reading. Although I haven’t written much about my life lately. The new year is coming–sooner than even I can get a handle on. More flogging blogging to come. I promise to make it more entertaining than I have. It may be time to put that morass in my head on the blog. It worked for the novel. It certainly kept me entertained.
I’ve been a a little bit of a funk ever since the end of November. I suppose I could blame it on NaNoWriMo. I certainly have missed that creative burst that I had every day. It was exciting. I haven’t been so excited to visit my creation, but I will be doing that in January. I was taking the advice and letting it sit.
I’m currently missing the boyfriend who is away visiting family until Sunday. I have the pre-blues though. He’s here for a week and then gone for two. Off to China. For fun. I would have picked somewhere else for fun.
I keep wondering what I’m doing in the leadership program I started almost four months ago. I don’t want to do the work. I was doing better, but now I keep wondering if I’m in the “right” place–as if there is a “right” place to be. People keep asking me if I’m having fun. This program is not fun unless you love to deal with all of your crap coming up right in your face every single day. I’d rather be blind and ignorant–it’s easier. I’m sure I will like the other side, but I haven’t reached the other side yet.
Still need a job or some income. My visit to my bank account made that very clear. For any of you out there also looking, I hope it’s going better for you or will be better. May we all find jobs we love this year!
I’d rather just go back to bed and sleep. Seriously, I have been in sleep debt and lately I haven’t been sleeping well. My cats were fighting (not playiung
I would have never believed some stupid quiz anyway. Who knew it could be so accurate. I found this out one weekend in a course I took. I clicked other buttons to get different answers–all of which could be true. This one is the most true, and the one no one sees. No one ever saw. Even now that I know it and can share this with others, they hardly believe me.
The Part of You That No One Sees |
 You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out.Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren’t lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that’s really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful. |
Friday night was Beowulf 3D. It would have been awesome if I had been a thirteen year old boy…or maybe just male. Otherwise the movie was just ok. Lots of blood and gore with a lovely CGI enhancement of Angelina Jolie. This was the boyfriend’s idea. The rest of the night was good though. I got him the perfect gift. I take pride in buying the perfect gifts for people. I wasn’t sure he’d like what I got, but it was great. He loved it. Saturday I caught up on sleep and just relaxing. Sometimes it’s nice not to do anything.
Sunday I spent part of the day taking my boyfriend (why does it seem odd to say that?) to the airport. The airport was unusually calm. Later I went to a going away party for a friend who is going to London for work. I’m going to miss him, and I just got to know him this fall. He has had to hear my stories. He knows who I’m seeing and has known him for years. He has been the victim of what he would call “TMI”. I shared most of waht I did just to get a reaction out of him. HIs reaction was always funny.
My Christmas Eve has already been taken up by a long phone call with my mother. And then a quick run to the liquor store. I had to get there before Christmas. The nearest BevMo is attached to a mall. It’s a nightmare during the holiday shopping season. Today though the mall wasn’t busy, and it opened early. There were plenty of parking spaces even after 9 am. So I got what I went there for: some expensive scotch (for the boyfriend) and absinthe. The latter was for me. It’s legal in the US again after being illegal since 1912. It has this romantic and mythical essence. It’s fun to read about it’s history and why it was banned all over the world. It’s an acquired taste–one I haven’t acquired yet. It’s not terrible or undrinkable, but it’s odd. I recommend Lucid. I love the bottle.
I haven’t written about the latest seminar since I first started. We have had the second class of ten. We have almost three weeks before we have the next class. They always describe them as a rollercoaster ride. I hate rollercoasters. This one is far worse. I was intersted in the seminar, but the passion for getting something out of it wasn’t there to begin with. So this seminar is about money. We have been talking about what money means to us. The meaning around money is completely bankrupt.
I have wondered why I have been in such a funk since early last night. I recognize why now. I feel like I have been pushed off a cliff (I’m not on a rollercoaster ride.) without a parachute. However, some clever pain in the ass gave me all the materials I need to make a parachute right before giving me a big shove. I have no parachute. I’m in the air screaming atching the ground get closer and closer.
Yesterday I spent the day at the Dicken’s Fair in San Francisco. I have never been to any of these kinds of fairs. Not Renaissance, nor any others. It was lots of fun to see everything and to see people dressed up. I own a custom Victorian style corset, which I wore. Boy, did it hurt. I have never worn it for so long. My ribs hurt while I wore it. I spent the day with the guy I’m seeing.What else can I say except that it was great. Twnety-four hours later I still wasn’t tired of him. I’m sorry that I don’t have any photos. I forgot my camera.
If this fair is your kind of thing and you’re in the area, the fair is still open on December 22 and 23.
After reading SF Chronicle’s Mark Morford, I have been inspired to create my gift list. I didn’t get anything for Hanukkah. Sigh. These are things I could never ask my family to buy, and I probably will never buy myself.
Corazon: the picture says it all. I have always wanted one of these.
The camera: I’m waiting to have the money to buy it myself. Feel free to ooh and ahh as well.
