Well I survived the day. I expected that I would, but from the comments by Mr. O’s cousins, survival is the best I could hope for. I was warned to stay away from their family dysfunction. They were joking about staying away. Every family has it’s bit of oddness, weirdness and craziness. Mine is no exception, which of course was brought up by Mr. O himself. Thanks so much. Actually the cousins are great. Inclusive to a stranger when they didn’t have to be.

The funeral was good though. Everything that was said made me wish I had met him. Although it probably wasn’t possible, I wish I had known his uncle before he ever got sick and got so sick that he wasn’t really there. Everyone made him sound like a great man and quite cool. He had lots of friends and created many memories with them that will last forever. It is sad that he died so young (59) and due to a particularly nasty form of cancer. I wonder if his cancer was a physical symptom of the family issues. No disease occurs without some emotional or spiritual component. However, his death did bring a large group of people together to share an aspect of their lives even if was just for a few hours.

In Judaism there are prayers for everything. Even a prayer for returning home after a funeral, which I want to include here (from On the Doorposts of Your House, ed. Chaim Stern):

Out of the depths I cry to You, Eternal One, hear my supplication. A heavy burden has fallen upon us and sorrow has bowed our heads. And now we turn to You, the source of life, for comfort and help. Give us the eyes to see that pain is not Your will, that somewhere there weeps with us One who feels our trouble and knows the suffering of our souls. We seek the light that will dispel the darkness that has overtaken us. let us find it in the love of family and friends, in the sources of healing that are implanted within all the living, in the mind that conquers infirmity and trouble. Grand us the strength to endure what is inescapable, the wisdom to accept what cannot be undone, and the courage to go on without bitterness or despair. Amen.

Neir l’rag-li d’va-reh-cha, v’or li-n’ti-va-ti. B’o-r’cha nir-eh or.

Your word, O god is a lamp to my feet, a light to my path. by Your light shall we see light.

This was my first Catholic funeral. Some of the prayers just didn’t speak to me in the same way as the Jewish prayers. But, the priest said something that touched me that I had forgotten: every person in your life is a gift. Some stay for only a short while, and some stay for a long time whether that is through life circumstances or death. It’s so easy to be caught up in the daily things everyone has to do. It’s so easy to forget the importance of people in our lives. It’s so easy to take them for granted.