The morning trip to San Francisco was rather uneventful. Oh, the wonders of the commuter lane. Unfortunately I won’t be able to use it this evening when I return. I will also have to deal with baseball traffic. The offices are in an interesting area. I’m glad I entered the main entrance because I left through the back entrance. I walked by two sleeping homeless people. This was after 8:30 am. Apparently they don’t get up early. I can’t see how they can sleep with all the traffic and noise.

I can’t wait to hear what my son thinks of the seminar he’s taking today. He didn’t want to go to bed early last night. He wasn’t tired, but he was hardly able to get up this morning. I nearly missed my alarm, and I never do that. I was rudely awakened from a dream. We managed to get out of the house just after 7 am this morning to make it to SF by 8:15 am or so.

It seems that I’ve been spending most of my time recently helping others. I’m not complaining. It’s just unusual for several people to need any help from me all at the same time. So far I’ve helped someone define a project better and another feel a bit more positive. I had no intention of doing either, and I had no idea that either person needed help beforehand. I find it interesting how most people rarely ask for help even when they need it. I’m quite guilty of the same–probably more so than most. I long ago adopted the attitude “I can do it myself.” And that is what I have been doing. Usually with plenty of complaining that no one helps me.

My son told me that he tells his friends “My mom is awesome.” How amazing is it that a 14-year-old (almost 15) thinks that? I’m speechless.

Yep. That’s my mind. It’s no wonder I can’t figure out what to write about. There is too much stuff going on in there. One minute I’m thinking about my upcoming project and class this weekend, and the next I’m thinking about the cats, or maybe sex, then food, which leads to thinking about cooking and going to the store. Now, I sound like I’ve lost my mind. It’s not lost. I know where it is, but there is such a cluster of thoughts going round and round in there that I can’t seem to catch just one for more than a few seconds.

I also have my group form the seminar I’m in on my mind. You’ll have to pardon my ranting and strong desire to strangle them all. I find it difficult to listen to excuse after excuse as to why they can’t make it to class or group meetings. Some are really trying and do make it, so I have to give them some credit for that, but half the group never makes it. They aren’t easy to catch on the phone, and they don’t seem to want to talk…other than to give excuses. I think it’s time to stop playing nice. I’ve been “nice.” Nice is getting me nowhere. I think it’s time for the cosmic kick in the pants. I need to whip up my verbal mix and lay it out. Blunt honesty. I’ll have to let you know how it goes.

It’s spring break time here, which means my son is here for the week. After several days delay due to weather and plane schedules, he finally arrived Sunday. We have a busy week ahead. I’m sure that most of his time will be spent playing games online. What else is new? We only have a few days before he takes the same course I did (this one is especially for teens). He really wants to go.

What keeps you from heading down the dark black hole of depression? I’m assuming here that everyone has had some experience with depression, even if it’s only for a short time or perhaps vicariously. I’m not asking for myself, although I have had a couple of dances with the black monster. One time the only thing that kept me from going deeper and possibly never returning was my son who at the time was only a year old. “Mom had to keep it together.”

A friend of mine who has had more than his share–according to me–of dalliances with the life sucking monster says that his dog keeps him from getting in too deep. So perhaps having a pet or child who relies on you keeps you sane. I know they say pets are good for you, but I always thought they kept you happier by their silly antics. I don’t think pets or children keep everyone out of depression.

As I ponder all this, I remembered a psychologist, Laura Honos-Webb, who has a unusual outlook on depression and ADHD. I came to know about her through her book on ADHD and how it’s a gift. Well, her point of view is that depression is also a gift. A sign telling you that you need to stop bulldozing your way through life and examine what you really want. It can also be sign that you’ve gotten off course in your life. I know for myself when I get “off course” I get sick. Not depression, but some illness, like headaches, stomachaches, etc. She has a recording on her book that I think is worth listening to.

I only lasted a few months before writer’s block has set in again. I’m back to thinking that nothing happens to write about. I need to do something crazy just give my blog more character. Even my Google searches haven’t been interesting. I guess the past post worked because there are very few “porn” term searches hitting my blog. I should be more careful what I wish for. I still get searches for “silicon doll.” I wonder who keeps looking for one and what they want to do with it. Maybe I don’t want to know.

All this time I could have written about the Landmark courses I have been through, but I don’t want to sound like a shill for them. The courses are great, and if you’re looking for something to give you a boost in your life, they are worth looking into. My mother and sister want to go after hearing about my experience. My son is going because he saw what a difference it made for me.

Awhile back I wrote some posts with pictures of where I grew up. I think I mentioned that I hadn’t spoken to my father since I was 15. Well, I finally got the guts through one of the courses to give him a call. I haven’t spoken to him since though. He had a stroke over a year ago now, but he seems okay. The conversation was rather odd in that sometimes it seemed like he knew or remembered the past, but the next moment he would deny just about anything. I don’t think that has anything to do with the stroke. He had been corresponding with my sister for about five years and off and on with my mother. My conversation was no different from their experiences. So while whatever was said may not have gotten anywhere with him, I got to have my say after all these years.

I’m still not showing my photo. I ran this months ago, but the collage wasn’t available then. I also got different results. So although you don’t know what I look like, you now know who I look like.

Monday I went up to San Francisco. I forgot how busy the city can be on a weekday. I much prefer the weekends. I even went late (after 11 am), and there were lots of people walking around. I went up there to go to a casting agency for free photos. The agency posts casting for extra work. I think most people would be surprised by the number of movies and commercials that are shot here. Even I am surprised. I’m sure you wonder how I found out about this. Well, I can thank Mr. O for the information. It sounded interesting, so really on a whim, I signed up. Why not? It might be fun.
I’m not very fond of the photos on the site, so I will get some other ones at some point. Right now I ‘m working on finding a photographer who is willing to trade for a CD. I would really like to get photos taken at the studio where my son and I had photos taken a few years ago, but he’s a bit on the expensive side. Well worth the money, but spending $500 on photos isn’t in my budget.

So SF on a Monday… I saw a guy walking a large, hairy black cat on a leash. Now, I see dogs all over, but this is the first time I saw a cat. The cat didn’t even seem spooked by the cars. My cats freak out over cars and sirens. I also drove by the place where I have to take my son to a seminar at the end of the month. I didn’t see any parking even though the map shows parking nearby. I couldn’t find any parking this morning except on the street (which probably was sheer dumb luck). I really hate driving in SF because you can never make a right or left turn because of all the pedestrians. They can be pretty aggressive too, if–god forbid–your car sticks out into the crosswalk.

Taking the train up to SF isn’t necessarily convenient. I can say I’m not looking forward to Friday morning traffic to SF. I wonder how long it will take. I will have to keep you posted if I get any film, commercial or print work. Keep your fingers crossed.

Awhile back, I had an issue with Google Adsense. Lots of bloggers have had this trouble because Google seems to think that sites like BlogExplosion, BlogMad and Blogsoldiers are in violation of their policies even though I’ve seen statements by BlogMad stating the contrary. As any of you know who have tried to get adsense re-instated, Google sends out these form letters (they only seem to be sent by a real person because everyone gets the same letter) and makes no effort to understand that you have taken a look at your stats and see no invalid clicks.

Well, Google’s Adwords has similar problems. Adwords is the flip side of Adsense. They have rules for Adwords where certain words are not allowed. A sex columnist who writes for the San Francisco Chronicle gives an interesting overview of what Google deems inappropriate in spite of the protests from companies who use adwords. Apparently words such as dyke and transgender terms (used by the transgender community) are banned by Google for silly reasons. The reason cited in the article is that these terms are “teen porn concepts.” What? Since when? Also, when did Google get to be big brother of the internet? Did I miss something?

The last part of the article really gives the crux of the issue. Adwords doesn’t have a blacklist of words in its policy. This means that the allowable terms are truly subject to the whim of whomever is approving ads that day or whomever your ads get approved by. Companies using adwords also report problems with responses from Google, very similar to the experience I had.

My opinion is that Google is worse than Microsoft. Nearly every computer geek loves to hate Microsoft, but really they should be watching Google as it grows more and more powerful. I see very little stopping Google and the way it does business.