I’m in a bit of a philosophical mood. I haven’t thought about this question in awhile, and I don’t think I ever came to a conclusion. If you can have sex without love and love without sex, what is love? How do you know? Can it be determined by “measuring” what you would do for the other person?

I think women tend to be at a disadvantage here because we’re taught that you should have sex without love. Perhaps men are taught the same thing, but they don’t act like it. Why is that? I don’t have an answer for that either. It doesn’t make any sense that one gender would think about sex differently, unless that is exactly what we are taught. Of course, by controlling women’s sexuality, you control men’s as well.

Back to love…I think I’d feel better if I had a definition. Certainty. Isn’t that what everyone wants? all I have are questions. If I don’t know if I love someone, how do I know if the other person does? I don’t think you can possibly know with any certainty. I’m not talking about “in love”–that’s pure infatuation. I know lots of people who talk about being “in love,” but with terms like that you can also be “out of love.” Love is more than chemical–that happy, feel-good cocktail of chemicals running through the brain.

Back to sex…Everyone’s favorite subject, right? For something so simple, we humans certainly have a lot of problems in this area. How did it become so complicated? Should it be complicated? Is it possible to have sex without any emotions? Honestly, aren’t emotions of some sort always there, even if there’s no real attachment? The chemical brain cocktail after sex encourages attachment. I’ve watched too many shows on this stuff. I learn a lot about the brain and body, but I never quite figure out the answers to my questions. I know it’s possible to have sex without attachment.

I once asked a friend of mine about love and how he knew he loved his wife. He said he just knew. I understand that, but I have no way of explaining that. I know too. It’s a gut thing. Intuition perhaps. Or you might say that you feel it in your bones. However, most people I have talked to have never known this “knowing” that they love.

So sex and love tangled together… Not for me. Sex can be good. Love can be good. Let’s face it–they can be bad too. But, love and sex makes for one wild ride!